Right Said The Joker

I'm a chaser, a snatcher, a grade A bomb so nuclear,
I drink at every bar; I sell my disease to every patient.
I'm a screamer, I'm a geezer, I'm a twenty thousand watt amplifier,
everything feels like my playground now.

I'm a transformer,an impostor, my own bomb dismantler,
I am a virus in disguise, with only my eyes to hide.
i am a penetrator, a sinner, a bone chilling comforter,
My mirth begins when you are in deep sleep.

I'm a liar , a craver, a carbon monoxide infiltrator,
Wherever i go, trouble follows.
I'm a striker, a biter, a Vampire Motorcycle Rider,
Hey, but let me tell you about my Alter Ego.

I'm a cracker, a toker, I'm the funniest story teller,
I make believe the skies are under my feet.
I'm a snoozer, I'm a "Kramer", I talk faster than Chris Tucker,
I'm right here but way out of your reach.

I'm a stalker,a watcher, I'm a "whatever i've got, a holder" ,
I am an SAP configurator and i am still unemployed.
I'm a smoker, i'll make friends even with a stammerer,
I am just a little faster than your average lawn mower.

I'm a mocker, a conner, I am a spoon fed eater,
I am shy and talkative at the same time.
I'm a pepper, i'm a sweetener,and i can even be sour,

You see, mostly i am a confuser!!

Conspiracy Theories From The Garden Of Elves

Hey,

I know i dont have that many readers but in case someone's gonna read this post, please
listen to this song. Its a song by Pink Floyd, during the Syd Barrett years.
"Bike" from the album "Piper at the gates of dawn".
Here's the link:http://youtube.com/watch?v=AMbVtovh8sY

So i wrote a parody of this songIt goes something like this :
( I might be a little tone deaf but i think most of the beats are right )


I've got a theory
Thats kinda like a conspiracy
I only wanted inspiration
But i've smoked up all my motivation
I'd give it to you if I could
But i stole it from you

This is the kind of story that should fit in your world
I'll write anything
Everything if it has a reaction

I think that Kurt Cobain
never really killed himself
But was shot down by some drunk
On the railway track
I told this story to the journalist
But she told me i was a crack

This is the kind of story that should fit in your world
I'll write anything
Everything if it has a reaction

I know that Neil Armstrong
never landed on the moon
it was just a mutant mouse
who bought cat like features on lease
He's getting rather huge
And he ate up all that green cheeze

This is the kind of story that should fit in your world
I'll write anything
Everything if it has a reaction

I realized that George Bush was really just an alien
With seven hands
Four pair of cockeyed retina
And peanuts the size of two brains
They are on the streets for sale
But they are way too stale

This is the kind of story that should fit in your world
I'll write anything
Everything if it has a reaction

I believe that Kung Fu
Was invented by me
I can swing, i can nunchuck
I can get off even when i am stuck
I can take over the world
But i'll rather meditate

This is the kind of story that should fit in your world
I'll write anything
Everything if it has a reaction

I know a girl who likes to hear tales
some fake
some true
but most of them are conspired
Why don't we meet up
And we'll make them real

Lebanese Get Away Car Driver

Shoot me in my eyes
and let me know what you think

I am running out of words
And patience at the same time

If you dont wanna lunch
we can go to my place and have a drink

But if you're going to lie
Then you're commiting a serious crime

Whoa ho oo oo i wanna take you out
whoa ho oo oo somewhere far away
whoa ho oo oo we'll never come back
whoa ho oo oo from a secret get away

Ey Ey you're right!!!

You dont like the way i look
But you like the way i talk

Thats fine girl! cause when we kiss
You know we always close our eyes

Behind closed doors, up against the wall
we'll throw away the key to that greasy old lock

And by that time i'll be fine
with hearing absolutely no truth but only lies

Whoa ho oo oo i wanna take you out
whoa ho oo oo somewhere far away
whoa ho oo oo we'll never come back
whoa ho oo oo from a secret get away

Ey Ey you're right!!!

Ocean Girl

Ocean Girl
Hang in there
I know you can spot the land
But you cant touch
That's why you're down
And i am leaving town
Just to meet you there
So float in there

I am coming around
In my spaceship
I know you're scared of heights
But i'll handle that
Throw you a ladder
Made of rope
Fly you to my galaxy
Where we can be among stars

Scars, will all fade away
Like all the needles in the hay
Golden like your hair spray
Ocean Girl, wont you stay?

In a spiral escalator
Down the Black Hole
I know we'll get lost
But you know thats my point
Dodge the asteroids
Before we descend
In a Soar In Theatre
Watch the trilogy of "The Supernova"

Rising back
All the way to moon
I know its a bumpy ride
But i'll bolt the seat belts on
Start a business
Selling Stars'n'Cream
Build a house
All made up of green cheese

Breeze, will be blowing in
Like the scent of tonic water and gin
Silver like an electric lightnin'
Ocean Girl, this will be our sin

Shades Of Dust

I got lost in your dream
Moving slow and breathing free
A cleaner love with a dirty feel
Like a moon thats nailed to a tree

And then i forgot
Most of what was Everything
And then i realized
That all of that was nothing

Wear this mask of misery
My face has split into three
My soul is advertised for a lease
You wont like what you will see

And then i forgot
Most of what was Everything
And then i realized
That all of that was nothing

Oh , in this feeling of you
Shades of dust and sun
Go round
Oh, i've tried to blend in
But i could not put my feet
In your shoes

I wonder whats your point of view
I am still stuck on you like cheap glue
I hate myself because these feelings are true
You are glad that we finally are through

A parody of Annie's Song byJohn Denver

You threw up on my carpet,
Just like eating a raw goat,
Like having eight hundred degrees of fever,
Like having a shower in a sewer,
Like walking for hours in a desert,
Like taking a nap in the gutter.
You threw up on my carpet,
Oh how i wish it was yours

Come let me get you high,
Let me give my drink to you,
Let me drown you in alcohol,
let me let you pass out on this carpet,
Let me lay you down in your own bile,
Let me always do this to you.
Come let me wrap you in this carpet,
Oh how i wish it was yours

Since 1974 we've been hearing this song
Of Annie
Annie?
Who the f*** is Annie?

Blu Ray Burning!!!

Fast and picturesque
We store digital media
To be called as BD
That sets every optical illusion in sight

We are of high density
To produce high definition
For Whoever would
Be able to pay for its right

Born to lead
This digital universe
With short wavelengths
We spit blue violet laser

Blu Ray burning!!

With three interactive profiles
And a hard coating technology
Nothing can stop us
Not even Sony

With ongoing development
We have a base in paper
We have support from Java
Not caffeine but the software

Watch out HD DVD
We are the Killer bees
We transfer the data
At high breakneck speeds

Blu ray burning!!

Blu Ray burning!!

Because Ma Girlfriend's an MBA

Well, when I was only two
My mother dropped me on my head
I may have got the flu
But my right brain turned dead

Things were going bad
And they could only get worse
But it’s all right
Yea it’s all right

Well when I was in grade six
My voice began to crack
I was listening to guitar licks
But I sounded like a yak

(Chorus)

Things were going bad
And they could only get worse
But it’s all right
Cause
Because ma girlfriend’s an MBA
Yeay
You gotta hear what I say

About the time when I was seventeen
For the first time I fell in love
I was walking towards Halloween
For indeed, my heart she had to burn

Things were going bad
And they could only get worse
But it’s all right
Yea it’s all right

Wooh! Well, when I was twenty one
I started doing things illegal
I was getting higher than the sun
My body and soul slowly turning fatal

(Chorus)

Things were going bad
And they could only get worse
But it’s all right
Cause
Because ma girlfriend’s an MBA
Yeay
You gotta hear what I say

Around seven days earlier
I was drinking at a strip club
I was chatting up this girl
She used me like her cigarette stub
I told her I was a consultant
And I got lots of them monnnayyy
She said she loved that
And told me she was an MBA

(Chorus)

Things are going great
And they are only getting better
And it’s all right
Cause
Because ma girlfriend’s an MBA
Yeay
You better hear what I say

Cat People

There’s a ghost in the cat in my neighbor’s house
His wife, she’s a smoothie, never fails to arouse
His noisy kid plays the piano, has a room full of toys
His wife, she’s a girl, dreams of smoking with the boys

Me, yeah I am the mouse
Every afternoon within her blouse
So when the cat is away
The mice play a sweet game called “Which corner today?”

There’s a hole in the brain in my neighbor’s head
His eyes only see what I call a tribute to an empty bed
His avocado tree grows in the lawn and is big enough
His wife, she doesn’t care, she only lures for the rough

Me yeah, I am the mouse
Helping her break her vows
So when the cat is away
The mice play a sweet game called “Which corner today?”

There’s a black in the grey in my lifeless heart
My guilt, I buy from a magazine called “This Is How You Start”
My love, I steal from those who stand in a queue
My hate, is restricted to only a few

He, yeah he’s the cat
Not for the tits, but for the tat
So when the mouse sends shivers down her spine
The cats play a dull game called “That’s your corner, this is mine!”

A song for Bob Woolmer a.k.a " The Murder Of Bob Woolmer"

Bob Woolmer went to his hotel room
Shook his hands with the hands of doom
Slow dripping panic sweat, a cold embrace
Bats hurled, ropes twirled, your non Jamaican taste

Outside the Irish won
Beer mugs were on the run
The Kiwis were setting fire
While the crescent moon lowered

Chorus:
A "large man" they say he was
"Manual strangulation" was the cause
"No signs of forced entry" they say
Don't let the killers get away
No, No
Don't let the killers get away

Bob Woolmer left the World cup in disarray
Leading the super eight forecasts to go astray
While Indian media reports arrest in a haste
a murder mystery , a gossip theory, your typical Bollywood taste

A pity no one was there
No angels soaring in the air
No more days of match fixing
But the days of throat slitting

Chorus:
A "large man" they say he was
"Manual strangulation" was the cause
"No signs of forced entry" they say
Don't let the killers get away
No, No
Don't let the killers get away

Mugged in California : A parody of Hotel California, a song by the Eagles

In a dark ghetto streetway,
me and two friends walking there,
torn socks of FILA
all lying under a strand of dandruffed hair

I camped my butt in a very small tent
and watched the extremely dim lights..
My twin brother said he saw a gangtaah ride being pulled over
"Hey KP, balls to the fucking lights"

"Sam" stood in the corner
He smelled like Taco Bell
And I was drinking by myself
My Tecate heaven and Amit "Paul" Singh's choice of ale

Sam said he was a vandal,
and he said he needs his pay
There was nacho sauce dripping down his corduroys
He failed in robbing food that day

Welcome to be mugged in California
Its the easiest way
such a cheap ass way
Such a fucked up way
There are plenty of streets to be mugged in California
Any kind of beer,
you can steal it here

The cigarette packet is simply unfit it's-
Not for your six friends
He said he's mugged a lot of greedy,greedy boys
Thats how he pays rent

Gaurav looked down at the ground:"Are,
theeeeeeeeese your pants?
Sam said:"I dont remember."
Fomra said:"You only forget"

So I called to the fat man:
"Pleeeeeeeease take these 1 ruppee coins"
He said:"I haven't had that intention here since
Dollars, cents and dimes"

And dead rat stink was coming
From Sam's giant large hands
They shake you up in the middle of the night
You better count your fingers then

Welcome to be mugged in California
Its the easiest way
such a cheap ass way
Such a fucked up way
There are plenty of streets to be mugged in California
Any kind of beer
you can steal it here

Toy gun in his back pocket
Loaded with warm Bud Ice
His bad breath
Kept us prisoners there
With a hell lot of spanish rice.
and in a nearby broken phone booth
He petended he's making ganstaah calls
We broke the chains and we ran for our lives
But you just can't kill these fleas!!

That Winter I remember
This guy was,stalking us in the dark
Had we the mind,had we turned our backs,
Our faces he'd knocked out to the floor.
But "Step back",said we...
"We are now going to leave...
You can mug anyone you like
But t just aint going to be me"

Do you wanna get Mugged?

Well me and two of my friends got mugged and this being my 50th post, i thought this is the kind of situation I could write a song about

The Bill Lumberg Band

Gaurav aka Gaurav- Mug Victim 2, Vocals (Scott Weiland style), bass
Formaldehyde aka Sudhakar - Mug Victim 1,Vocals,Shoelace Knots, Dance Performace with The White Rabbit Band
KP aka Karan- Official Mug Victim 3, Vocals, So called Lyrics, chaotic rhythm
Amit "Paul" Singh aka Amit - Guitar ( Stevie Ray Vaughn Style)
Sidlekar aka Siddharth - Vocals, Harmonica, YO HO HO without a bottle of rum

On Hoover Street, we were strolling, it was 4 am
Along came this latino, we told him his name was sam
Damn! he said "i don care i juss want to see some money"
So i shelled out a dollar and said "Hey man have fun doing laundry"

But boy did we realize he also ripped us off our empty matchbox
A couple quarters, a few coins, and a pair of dirty torn socks
As he left he said "Peace out Braa!" and a smile on his sly, happy cockeyed face
He fell a couple footsteps away as the "rabbit" had knotted his shoelace

We decided to let him have the dollar and we made him pay for a "mug" of java
He said "I aint having Coffee with Karan", I'll rather sip on some lava
Now KP was angry so he punched him hard and forced the coffee down his throat
As he lay surrounded by a pool of bile as if he had swallowed a raw goat

Just when were heading back home, along came a cop and he asked "Whats our DPA?"
We got confused and decided to do the same, we told him "Osama's Being Laid and he ran that way"
The cop got out and roared with the looks of a bull and teeth full of blood "NO I MEANT DRUNK POINT AVERAGE!!!"
So we told him we dont drink, we only smoke grass, its an easier solution to attain mind leverage

The cop removed a wave motion gun, injected heroin and then started to sob
He said i'll give y'all a lift home but first meet my boyfriend Bob
Bob was stoned and rather quiet, never spoke a word, only moved his hands but pretty much all over
So i gave him a synonym from Puppy Manohar's blog and told him "You're better off being sober"

We were finally home, another 12 pack to go, and it was 4 pm
I had food at a latino cafe, i thought to myself : "What a cheap scam"
Turned on the tube to listen to Chef Haphazard's (Def Leppard) "Lets get Mugged"
I dont know what they were talkin about but decided to mug someone off Atlas Shrugged



------------------------

A room full of music we wander in
Beautiful sounds arouse us from within
Where an eagle and a dinosaur are best of friends
Where night falls, the moon sleeps but the music never ends


In case you guys are wondering about the name of the band : The Bill Lumberg Band
just watch the movie Office Space and y'all will know that he is the coolest character in the history of cinema.

San Francisco Girl

She drives a used Beetle
She likes to play soccer
She lets me polish her nails
She hates it when they cry

She wears a denim jacket
She likes to read x-men comics
She gets a new piercing every week
She hates the taste of maggi

She wears Calvin Klein framed spectacles
She's trying to learn Sanskrit
She does believe in god
She hates the gentle murmur of simmer

She'd rather a strip club than Starbucks
She listens to Floyd and Queen
She's going to live with her mother..soon
She's a graphic designer but looks more like a waitress

She's a stoned fox
She thinks she can bowl well but...
She's got a huge appetite
She is hell on two heels

She wants to study Buddhism
She wears Suede Platform Giuseppe Zanotti shoes
She's a disco dose-a-pede
She's truly a foxy sorceress' breed

When the Red Foxes Dance

You mesmerise slowly
Till the moon cant believe its eyes
Your haunting shrieks control me
As the darkness penetrates the bloodred skies

The killer awakes at midnight
On a rusty bed in a cage of destruction
Silver smoke blinds my sight
A fiery soul and a machine makes its evolution

Without warning you make your moves
Silently as your jaws tear up the earth
In circles you beat the devil's ruse
Merry is your dance, wicked is your mirth

You put me in a trance
Ecstacy rushing in every stream of blood
When the red foxes dance
Cant feel the ground, i lie here charmed in your flood

Inspired from this pic that I checked out on "Queen of Lght and joy's " blog
Its the last pic on that post : Bonus picture ( Red Foxes)
Aweome pic: Kinda caught my attention
Really cool blog

That Goddamn! "I" Virus

I am thinking about....
The girl I met last night

I wonder...
If ever anything will last forever

I wish...
I could'nt feel

I regret...
Absolutely nothing

I hate....
People who ask you say "Cheeze" while taking your snap

I said...
I am going to hell and am taking you guys with me

I am...
A dreamer

I dance...
naked in my locked cell

I cry.....
sometimes to get a peaceful sleep

I get...
high all the fucking time

I see....
what I write ( should have been the other way around)

I confuse.....
people i dont like

I can....
write and play my own songs

I cant
play already played songs

I think.....
whoever started this idea is lame

I cannot believe....
I still wanted to blog this

I dont believe...
In the wars we fight just to prove how real we are

I believe...
In heaven here on earth

I need.....
You!

Evil Tulips and Sea Scorpions

Amidst the fire, a lonely blaze appears
Cowboy hat, a steel horse, a gun unfurls
From scorching shadows, soaring with high octane
Dragon's wings, out from the silent void, spitting flames

Eroding earth,battles with the killer nameless
Emerging chaos, now starts to rack the ground
Out with the gun and knife,the captain of two souls
Blood stained sword, back into the scabbard it goes

Swinging through the forsaken, the dry and the parched
In quest of a land with evil tulips and sea scorpions
In with the moonless black, stops by the holy stone
Succumbs to the wild grapes and rests the night all alone

Awoken by a deadly screech, dead rabbit skin between his teeth
Sharpens his knife, shines his sword,prays by the stone
Musket driven to the thigh,ivory pebbles to remind him of his girl
Strokes his horse,an honest kiss,like a storm, he rides back home

Confidently Confused

Was Today necessary??
and is tomorrow ever going to come??
Should i wait for yesterday to happen again??
or am i already living in the day after??

In Heaven, a new Poison

A job that tastes like steel
Ripping power with a burning feel
Takes the heat, rushing fervor in
Mostly outsiders, mostly my own kin
An allegorical dream of a piercing iron jawed caterpillar
Clipped out wings, yet exploding with electric roars of thunder
Lazy sun turns bloodred, stealing the fight
Darkness slowly empowers, Mephistopheles shunning the light
Defeaning silence broken down by merciless haunting veils
A paradise is lost,in heaven technology slowly mediates
Smoggy rusty road, like a poison,sweetly begins to unwind
Even in utopia, the peril aint running too far behind.

Swing Life Away

The words lost in my head
Left with mud on an empty swing
In the wake of barking dogs

Tomorrow will be today just as the day after
While a pocket is filled for a fortune teller
A parrot, a tarot card, fake rings of heaven's demise

In a flower someone foresees a brick full of walls
Grim and tall, yet hidden by a shadow of ten thousand suns
A kid runs towards his ball while he rolls away under a drunk driver's truck

In a hospital his mother shrieks like a wingless eagle
Someone dead, but the feelings are stunningly alive
I've been all around searching for that feeling

Hollow sounds generate when she and i meet
Like a cascade of drowning sandcastles
Not a fall but like a rising smoke which now sticks in my ribcage

Hope is strange, a currency for the one's who are fading
Dreams are a state, a toxicant while the truth and lies become one and the same
Life is small when the freeways are so wide but your mind in so narrow

Here's the warning: Click. Click. ..Boom!.... As the War Machine keeps burning

A half British, half Israeli teacher, living in Israel was discussing the ongoing middle east crisis and the situation in Israel in particular. She is an english teacher teaching kids how to read, write and speak english. She had asked her students to make a sentence including the words "Fortunately" and "Unfortunately".

One of the kids volunteered to initiate the challenge and came up with "Fortunately the bus arrived on time".... and some other kid continued it with "But unfortunately a suicide bomber got inside and blew the bus up"

Just imagine you are living in the middle east. One day you wake up to find that you're out of toothpaste. So you dress up and pick up some change and tell your mum that you're going to the shop to buy some. You almost reach the shop when BOOM! No warning, just BOOM! You along with a couple hundred are just dead. Some have not even had the chance to brush their teeth.

It seems to me a nightmare
Becomes reality
The last days of the paradise
Are gone for you and me
But we're living in the crossfire
Where time is burning out
Why cant these angst driven War Pigs
UNDERSTAND: that we dont want to fight
UNDERSTAND: that we are all far too young to die

Damn all you War Pigs!!!
It is pretty evident that you guys are truly fucking angry
and i understand that anger is the most honest human emotion
but if you can channel that into music or writing or making movies instead of killing people then it is so much fucking better.

Here are some alternative things you fuckheads should focus on instead of grilling the war machine:

• Learn to play better pool or billiards
• Become a video game freak and play Counter Strike all fucking day and in the night drink beer with your buddies and discuss how many animated, fictitious characters you killed.
• Get a real nice beautiful girl , get her one of those really expensive flowers, then get her pregnant and have kids.
• Since you’ll are so emotional anyways pick up a musical instrument and start a band and talk about hatred, anger, violence. Just don’t commit it.
• And the best of all: Smoke some weed and listen to Bob Marley. It is going to make you wanna throw away that shitty AK-47, run to a shop, buy a water gun and play Holi.

God bless all who died without a cause.

Peace and Love.